Archive for November, 2009


When you’re single people love to suggest solutions. I hate dating, I think everyone does. There’s nothing comfortable about it.

At a certain point though, you feel like you at least have to try everything once. Even if it’s so those well meaning people in your life can’t accuse you of being too “picky.”

Here’s my story which was published in the November ’09 issue of More Magazine.

Meet Your Match


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This happens at 6:30 am. EVERY. DAY.


And now, introducing the culprit of this morning ritual, Caliban.

He was given to me as a Valentine’s present from a guy on his way out of my life – a replacement… of sorts.

Despite what seems like a bittersweet fact, he is a joy (and sometimes a menace).

There are stories!

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I wonder, at what point do you stop calling yourself a late-bloomer and embrace your life outside the lines? Doing so entails getting square with your choices.

Now I’m not one of those people who will sugar-coat my life. There are some advantages to the solitary life, and in many ways I choose it since I have come to understand just exactly how much time I need alone, which is perhaps more than average. But I would still very much like to be companioned, to have a soft place to land, someone with whom to share thoughts, ideas,  hopes and dreams, meals and my bed (other than the cat, who does a great job of warming it up for me, but still cannot hold a conversation, cook a meal, move the furniture… though he does a mean job of killing spiders!)

The bravado thing is the hardest part for me to deal with – I just don’t have any buts, as in but I have great friends, a supportive family, my work, my freedom, my dog/cat/garden. I see alot of this kind of covering over or making up for around me (some of it in the form of a great big impenetrable male/female-bashing wall) and it’s a real turn-off. More than that, all I see when I look at men and women who do that is so much pain.

The reality of my life is that I am almost 49, not-yet-married, no kids, no parents and though I have close family,  my life is a world apart from theirs and most people I know. I spend most of my time alone, and there are distinct times when  solitude becomes loneliness. Loneliness can derail you if you don’t learn to understand and cope with it.

So, welcome to The Modern Spinster where I hope to provide an underrepresented cohort some fun, some doses of real life, and a whole lot of comfort in recognition.

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